I am enough. (And so are you.)

The song "Why am I the one" by Fun was going through my head while I was bobbing between sets at Muizenberg over the weekend, and a few lines in particular were playing over and over:

"Why am I the one always packing up my stuff?
For once, for once, for once,
I get the feeling that I'm right where I belong."

I am enough...
(Thanks to Al for sharing a magical place with me, and for her essential corset-tying skills!)

At the age of twenty-nine I calculated that I had called thirty different places home - counting all the years while I was hitch-hiking around the world living in my tent as one. (In the ten years since, I have moved twice, so I guess I'm getting more settled!)

One of the reasons I was always packing up my stuff and moving on was that I thought if I moved on to a new set of people who didn't know me, and created a new persona, that I would be able to fake being who I wanted to be: an interesting, confident, capable, talented, beautiful, likeable person.

Inevitably, I fucked up. At least, I thought I did. The parts of me that I thought weren't all that pretty inevitably squelched out inappropriately through some chink or another, and I assumed that if I made a mistake that others wouldn't like me any more. I thought the only way to recover was to move on to the next place, the next set of people, and try again, harder this time, to suppress who I really was and pretend to be a good person. Of course it never worked! It wasn't others that didn't like me, it was me not liking who I thought I was, and I was always with me, no matter where I went, or what I changed my name to!

What I completely failed to "feelize" - truly feel the realisation - all that time, was that we simply cannot be what we are not, and all that stuff we fake inevitably crumbles. However, we are splendidly perfect at being who we are: on the whole, wonder-full, amazing (and amazed), awesome (and full of awe) people, completely beautiful inside and out. (And the stuff we successfully "fake" is actually real!)

The last couple of months have been an accelerated learning/awareness/clarity/acceptance process for me, helped along by the emotional work I've been doing the past few years, and, prior to that, all my life experiences, right back to my birth. This wonder-full process of gaining insights has led me to the full awareness, the "feelization", that we are all we need, for ourselves, and we have always been enough. Everything else: relationships, work, play, all the things we enjoy, are actually all bonus, and all the more enjoyable for not being needed.

Despite the fact that I am going to be moving house once again in the next few months, I am, at last, right where I belong, at home, here, in my Self.

"For once, for once, for once, I get the feeling that I'm right where I belong!"
(Have a listen to the song, it's really enjoyable! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dO6WmM7w93I)

Big love and lots of hugs for you on your life journey!